Humor - Blog

2/1/2010

So Iran Wants Nukes

I came across this pic on the web and couldn't resist reposting it:

Posted at 8:39 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (1)

1/27/2010

Cats Rule… Bears Drewl

Posted at 12:23 PM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

9/30/2008

Probability that the LHC will create a black hole

Posted at 2:42 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

9/19/2008

What’s wrong with this IM

Scott recently engaged me in this conversation…….

Posted at 11:34 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

9/18/2008

Real Pie Chart

Graph by Jamie Schimley
Pie I have eaten

Posted at 8:51 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

8/21/2008

Another Graph Jam

more graph humor and song chart memes

Posted at 11:47 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

6/13/2008

Have you ever told a white lie?

Alice was to bake a cake for the churchwomen’s group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say .
"Thank you, I baked it myself."

Posted at 1:27 PM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

5/20/2008

Amazing Claude

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, “Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.” The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

“I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in my family for six generations.” He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch…”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

“Crap” said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

Posted at 7:56 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

4/30/2008

UPS Flight Gripe Sheet (from Kirk)

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassuring for those of you who fly routinely for your jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their
repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual complaints submitted by the UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten-up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last……………. .

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget..

Posted at 10:19 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

1/28/2008

Debunking the shrinking middle class myth

On Sunday I had an interesting conversation about several political topics. I took a mental note to run down some information about several topics. One discussion was that the middle class was shrinking because so many were falling out as the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I know I had read something that debunked that whole assertion. I fould the article I had recalled at the Wall Street Journal. Here's a link to the full article:

Movin' on Up - Nov 13, 2007

Here's the real truth 50% of the lowest quintile moved into the middle or higher and only 17% moved down this totally debunks the spin on income movement. Here's some more from the article:

"The study, to be released today, is a careful, detailed piece of research by professional economists that avoids political judgments. But what it does do is show beyond doubt that the U.S. remains a dynamic society marked by rapid and mostly upward income mobility. Much as they always have, Americans on the bottom rungs of the economic ladder continue to climb into the middle and sometimes upper classes in remarkably short periods of time.

The Treasury study examined a huge sample of 96,700 income tax returns from 1996 and 2005 for Americans over the age of 25. The study tracks what happened to these tax filers over this 10-year period.

One of the notable, and reassuring, findings is that nearly 58% of filers who were in the poorest income group in 1996 had moved into a higher income category by 2005. Nearly 25% jumped into the middle or upper-middle income groups, and 5.3% made it all the way to the highest quintile.

Of those in the second lowest income quintile, nearly 50% moved into the middle quintile or higher, and only 17% moved down. This is a stunning show of upward mobility, meaning that more than half of all lower-income Americans in 1996 had moved up the income scale in only 10 years.

Also encouraging is the fact that the after-inflation median income of all tax filers increased by an impressive 24% over the same period. Two of every three workers had a real income gain."

Posted at 12:24 AM by LEEALLEN-SP1\lee.allen | Category: Humor | Permalink | Email this Post | Comments (0)

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